Saturday, March 27, 2010

Mayumi Scrimpshaw

We don't see too many Asians at [my non-profit]. It's a fact. But the few that we have are loud and weird. Take, for example, Mayumi Scrimpshaw.

First of all her last name, Scrimpshaw, cannot be real. Second of all, she is about 65 and dies her hair a color that can only be described as "mallard foot." Third: she has tattooed eyeliner. Fourth: she only wears denim. Fifth: I lied about her only wearing denim because she always wears leather scrunchies. Scrunchies. Sixth: Despite living in the USA "since when Woodstorcks went," I can barely understand her English. Seventh: She is very racist when it comes to certain ethnicities. Eighth: She is highly homophobic when it comes to men folk. Ninth: She has no filter whatsoever, which explains why her job counselor is so intimately familiar with seven and eight. Tenth: She doesn't wear shoes. I make her put shoes on in my office but she takes them off as soon as she gets to the lobby. If possible, she scowls at me while removing them.


I have a story about her. More soon.

3 comments:

  1. I am looking at your postings and just wait on the next and the next and the next story. I found the original of Glory Kay and my special note at the end of it. What a writer! FSF has nothing on you. Just saw "Hurt Locker" Was that title talking about the box or his suit? miss you

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  2. Thanks for your writing. I thought of you yesterday when a client, after a particularly intense interaction with a co-worker, while standing at the door about to go, said, "Eat shit and die, motherfuckers! Man I love you guys." Then he hugged and kissed my co-worker before leaving.

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