Pardon The Lack of Blogging or Lil' Jon is the Antichrist

I've been applying to jobs and I have no time to blog. But I applied to 2 jobs today at work, so I feel like it's ok for me to take a little break. Today, I'm going to tell you about either Dean or Demonde.

I guess I'll start with Demonde, because Dean is a regular client and I know he'll keep coming in. Demonde is very unstable and could disappear at any moment.

Demonde wears a dirty white bathrobe every day, all day. He has this look in his eyes that suggest he is constantly staring at the mesmerizing pendulum of a grandfather clock located a few inches above eye level. It's disconcerting at first, but when you hear that he speaks only in rhyme it kind of makes sense.

"Today I would like to get a job/but it's not that I need one/ it's for the future I sob/ at the coming of Lil' Jon"

Lil Jon is a big deal with Demonde. I'll get to that in a minute.

When I met him, he told me he was Jesus. Keep in mind, he told me this after he mentioned he "didn't need to take his meds anymore". So he tells me he is Jesus (using slant rhyme liberally I might add because Jesus is a pretty tough rhyme) and he goes on and on about being the messiah for like, 25 minutes. Then he asks me if I believe. I say, "do you mean, do I believe in God?" He said "Yes, God. From which we are all shod!*" and I said "yes I believe in God."

"Well then, you are a believer. You may read the white book, don't let the black one be a deceiver."

I had already seen these books. He brought them in for my co-worker two weeks earlier. (Demonde is not my client, he's just a favorite of mine.) When he brought in these books, he told my co-worker that she could not read the black book, only the white book. The white book is a white binder filled with loose leaf notebook paper. The pages contain scribblings about Jesus and lots of magazine cut-out pictures of Lil Jon. We all wondered a lot about this Lil Jon thing. I got my answer last week.

Demonde was speaking to my co-worker, his case manager, at the time. Thankfully the cubicle walls are thin so I was able to hear pretty much everything. Let me break it down for you.

There are three Machiavellis. The first Machiavelli was not, as you might think, Machiavelli. No, the first Machiavelli was Tupac**. The next Machiavelli was R. Kelly. The third, and final, Machiavelli is Lil Jon. Lil Jon is the anti-christ and on [last Tuesday] Demonde is going to fight him at Venice Beach to bring on the apocalypse. He's going to defeat Lil Jon and walk on top of the Pacific Ocean and when he walks on water the end will come. We're all going to be ok though, because we've read the white book. Please keep in mind that this was all in some semblance of rhyme so it's even crazier than it sounds here because he really had to stretch sometimes. (For example, making "Jon" rhyme with "won".)

I'm going to include a Lil' Jon video so my parents know who he is. I was going to try to find the clean version of this song, but I think it's more effective if I just leave it dirty. Don't freak out. Lil Jon is the gentleman with the dreds, glasses, grill and pimp cup.

* Shod means "furnished or equipped with a shoe" just as an FYI.

** According to Wikipedia, 2pac actually went by "Makaveli" sometimes so that makes this all a little bit less mysterious, but no less crazy.

Dean is another story. Actually, Dean is a series of stories.