EMAIL

I teach a computer class every Thursday. It's called Computers II: Introduction to the Internet. It is awesome! At the end of the class I have the clients send me an email (to my work email address). Often I'll have them pretend I'm an employer, but usually they just say things like "Dear Miss Allison Thanks for helping with class. Your pretty" and such. Today I just said "send me an email" and didn't make them pretend I was an employer because I was already pretty tired. Anyway I got a great message today from a student. Here it is:

Sent: Thursday, July 22, 2010 3:11 PM
Subject: meat

Dear. Larry
I am righting you A Letter to let you no i love you

Magic Castle

I flirted with John Stamos for 20 minutes at the Magic Castle, and I touched his once elbow while doing it. At one point, my friend and I decided that it would be a good idea to play it cool with Stamos, and focus on talking to his magician friend. My friend had made him a paper tulip out of a bar napkin. Uncle Jesse's magician friend was a bit randy, and made rude comments about me and my friend. I didn't like it.

I got compared to Grace Kelly by 3 different magicians. (Magicians are sleazy) Everything went swimmingly, except when one magician bought us deviled eggs (why would you order deviled eggs?) with caviar and truffle oil, and it was so awful, and I had to eat one so as to not be rude. I almost puked, but I was focused on being as charming as possible so I took it like a champ. Oh, Magic Castle! I wish I flirted with Robert Downey Jr. instead, but you can't have it all! (R.D. Jr. was not at the Magic Castle last night, I'm just sayin')

DEAN: Stay black, pay taxes, and die

Writing about Dean is a very daunting task because there is so much to say and so many stories to tell I just don't know where to start. I will start, I guess, at the beginning when I first met Dean. He's not actually my client, but his case manager's cubicle is right next to mine. I didn't meet him right away, actually. I heard him.

"I am just saying that if a woman gonna start me going and make me angry I am not afraid to hit her. I'm an equal opportunity beating machine." His voice is part Kermit the Frog, part Shaft.

Now, when I first heard this through my cubicle wall I became immediately concerned for my co-worker, a frail blonde girl who had a bad habit of giving out too much personal information (a habit that an unnerving encounter with a man who believed there to be microchips implanted in his knees by the Fire Departments of New York, Chicago and Los Angeles in order to track his homosexual activities roundly broke) and sitting a little too close to the clients. Out of slight concern, but mostly out of curiosity, I my wheelie chair scooted out of my cube a bit to take a look at this guy.

He's pretty tall, African American and in his 60's. He has no teeth and close-cropped gray hair. The skin on his nose is a bit lighter than the rest of his face, his nails are kind of long and he is wearing broken glasses. Dean's legs are stretched out in front of him and he he has fingers crossed, supporting the back of his head. Dean is smiling and nodding a bit. He is basically on vacation, and loving every minute of it. My co-worker is stunned.

It was during Dean's assessment, the time case managers first meet the client. The assessment is basically a list of questions we ask them, mostly yes or no, about their work history, felonies, medical conditions, etc. Then we make a goal plan and set them up with a few more appointments. The way things go in assessment often, but not always, determines how your relationship is going to be.

"So," she asks after a few seconds. She has returned to the list of questions displayed on her monitor. "You have a history of domestic violence?"

"Absolutely not." Said Dean. "Ain't no woman done nothin' to me, I'm just sayin' I ain't afraid to should the need arise."

We all thought Dean was a nutcase, and we all were glad he wasn't on our caseload. As time went on, however, and Dean became an office regular we began to get a much different picture of Dean. I can't really remember why Dean started signing in to see me; it probably had something to do with the fact that my co-worker, his assigned case manager, was out of the office pretty regularly. Eventually he started seeing me, Elizabeth and his case manager Bianca all the time. He'd come in, sign in to see me and 5 minutes after he'd left my cubicle he was in Liz's. He started calling his his "3 angel case managers."

The thing we work on with Dean the most is how to control his violent urges. Now, I'm pretty sure that Dean has no violent urges, ever. He's a very nice guy. But he loves getting a rise out of us and having a reason to come into the office, so we see him pretty frequently.

That's all for now, again. I am starting to wonder if I can actually write about Dean... you really need to meet him to get him. What do you think? DO YOU WANT TO HEAR MORE? I guess I should write more because he is certainly a challenge to accurately depict using only the written word. He needs multi-media.